Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
