My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
