soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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