Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
