My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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