I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Enjoy the penises
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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