Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
do nipples grow back?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
