he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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