Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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