I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
