Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm always down for nudity.
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