I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Terrible idea I love it
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
