why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
