Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
