I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
