my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
