he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
