I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
