You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize