I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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