I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Couch. On fire.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
