We tried having a conversation with our noses.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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