I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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