the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
