I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
