I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
