Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
