White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Your dad touched me again.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
