I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You can't special order awesome
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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