this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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