you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
