i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize