i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
