You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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