i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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