I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
