Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
