That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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