did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
