if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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