i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
