I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
