Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Randomize