You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
