Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
