Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
