i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
