Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize