sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
