u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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