I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
