Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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