hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
