i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
