And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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