My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
