Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
