i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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