College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
