dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
