singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
