the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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