Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
