You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
