You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
