I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
