I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
