I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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