He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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