with your own penis?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
