just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
