I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
