that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
