I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
this hospital has no fireball
this is an emotional support booty call
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
