She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
