This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize