9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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