Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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