soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
